55 credits up, 14 more to go.

The ultimate test is to see if I can keep at least a 3.90 for graduation.



This girl really, really pisses me off.

It is finals week, and all us students are stressed, studying all night, hoping to get the best possible grade.

This fat bitch complains about how horribly she is doing, and how she needs to get an A- in her science classes.

In Bio, I guess she had a B or something, and our teacher really threw us a bone by allowing us to count our highest test grade as our test #6 and still dropping two out of our 7 test grades.

Because of this, all she had to do was do really well on her last test and our lab exam.

For some reason, the night before the test, she texts me and asks what will be on the test… meaning that she decided to cram the night before.

Needless to say, she got a fucking 68 on the exam. Same thing happened for the lab exam… not sure what she got, but it didn’t look good because she folded it up and threw it in her bag.

So she would need to get a 100 on the test to get a B+.

Now for Chemistry, I created a study group and we all met in the library on Sunday. We spent three hours there going over everything, and this girl had her music on the whole time. An hour and a half into the study session, this girl says that she doesn’t want to study Chemistry any more and takes out her math stuff and starts doing it.

Then she texts me an hour before the final today to ask for the data from the lab we did last week. The lab was due at the time of the final. Before we take the final, this bitch had the nerve to tell me that our study session was the only time she studied chemistry.

I asked her what she did last night then, but she wouldn’t tell me. All she said was that she was angry with herself for not studying for her final… that doesn’t even make sense… THEN STUDY FOR YOUR FUCKING FINAL!

This is from someone who failed most of her quizzes in this class, and failed one of the exams. She would have needed to do really well on the exam/final to get herself in atleast the B range.

I’m not sure if this girl is just fat and lazy, or if she is studying something that she really doesn’t want to study.

I really believe that she doesn’t deserve the intern spot at Purchase this summer. She does not deserve to get an A-, and I will be really angry if a teacher gives her an A- because she does not do work like an A student, especially in the sciences.

I bust my fucking ass; I make sure my work is neat and legible. I don’t ever wait ’til the last minute to do my work or projects.

I stopped studying with her in the middle of the semester because we never studied, she would just bring her friends in and start talking and bullshitting, then get mad when she gets a less than desirable grade.

I really hope her grades reflect what she did this semester to teach her a lesson. She was spoiled last semester, and thinks she’s still in high school.

Her work rate will stop her from being able to get recognized as an excellent student.

I’m glad that she isn’t in my lab group this summer. I was put with a girl who seems really hardworking.

I can’t wait explain why it’s so hard for people to realize that if you don’t put in extra work, you will most likely not get an A.

If you think you can get an A by doing the least amount of work possible, you’re fooling yourself.

I say this because in my chemistry class, I work with two ladies most of the time. The one lady is older, so her shortcomings are understandable. Then we have a younger girl, fresh out of high school in her second college semester. I guess her last semester gave her the idea that she can skate by doing the least amount of work outside of school.

Before every chemistry lab, we have to read the lab and copy the steps of the lab down in our notebooks and do prelab questions. Every morning before lab, this girl is doing these things, starting the lab report the night before it’s due, and not doing it correctly at all.

This is who I get stuck with as a lab partner.

So we just had an exam in Chemistry, and the day before the exam, we were studying for a lab exam we were going to have for Bio which was the day after the Chem exam. This girl acted like she understood the material for the Chemistry exam. I gave her a quick quiz, and she seemed to understand. (The problem in Chemistry, actually all of the sciences, is that you can’t memorize the theory. You have to understand it.) I guess she memorized the shit because she ended up with an undesired grade on the exam.

Like what do you expect? When doing the budget for your non academic club is more important to you than getting your school shit together.

And she wonders why I get so frustrated with her. Like my problem with her is she does not have a good work ethic at all, and I really don’t want that to rub off on me.

She tells me that I’m too much of a perfectionist. Like bitch, I want an A. I’m not willing to settle for anything less because I know I can achieve an A.

You can’t teach work ethic. That’s something innate, and if you’re a lazy fuck who’s not willing to work harder, you will fizzle out really quick.

So I think I hooked up with the biggest one I’ve ever done in the history of my sexual career.

Obviously not Irish.

I’ve learned that the older we get, the more chances we take with cumming places other than the bed sheet or floor.

I unfortunately needed a plan B. I don’t give a fuck, plan B > BC.

But the cock was attached to a less than interesting person, which is always my problem. I believe that I now do this to myself. If the cock is good, I will never be attracted. It’s a sad turn of events.

If you’re going to tell me that I should not talk about systematic racism because I need to focus on a different topic, you can go fuck off.

And that’s exactly what happened. I cannot stand white people who think it’s ok to tell black people how the fuck to feel about racism. Until you’ve gone through it systematically, shut the fuck up.

Now of course it’s about me finding someone new, and not about some dumbass shit you said. That I guess is fine. I don’t want to stop my growth because your pencil dick can’t get any. Either way, I’ve been single for two months. It’s about time to get out of this sink hole.

You want to love someone because they love you so much, but when you understand that this person is nothing close to what you want, in zero aspects, cutting it off is the healthy thing to fix especially after that comment. No coming back from that.

And I couldn’t stand how he would look a word up, and use it incorrectly in context. Or however he did it. Nothing he said made sense because he tried to hard to make it sound interesting. The best words are those with effect, not just words placed together to sound good, or whatever the case may be.

“Take faith in your words”. Not even sure what that’s supposed to mean. Faith is a noun. It’s like saying, “take bananas in your thoughts.” Nah.

It took a little for me to realize the rebound. Realize that I was in fact settling. And realize the reasons why. In all actuality, I’d rather be alone then subject myself to that again.

Luckily for him, he’s young, and he can bounce back. He just needs to be more aware with where he’s aiming, and what he’s talking about. But I think he’ll be ok once he educated himself in whatever way he sees fit.

Obviously, I can’t love. Or have something that needs a lot of energy. I have one focus, and one focus only, and that’s achieving my bachelor’s, then my masters, then hopefully PhD or MD. But I want to know about life, and for me, it’s easier looking through science.

We’re almost half way through the semester, and spring break will be my time to vacate! I can’t wait!

I Wish I Wasn’t So Shallow

Honestly, lately I’ve been angry at myself for many things… like not being able to deal with areas in which you don’t level up.

Things that I would have to settle for, and live with; these same things that cannot be changed.

Living in somewhat of an avoidance of putting myself “out there” on front street, and feeling dissatisfied for the rest of my life.

If not for that, I still wouldn’t think I would budge. I’d feel a hunger and do something to crush you. I’d rather not crush you. But it’s hard to tell a young person who hasn’t been involved in something so serious that you regret it getting that serious.

It sucks because I thought I could live with it. Emotionally, mentally, everything was linked… physically, we were not a match.

It may be me that is asking for too much. For something to finally feel satisfying… that is my mistake. Allowing you to choose the pace at which we moved being inexperienced is also my biggest mistake.

Now I’m in a place where I’m losing an important part of my life because I just can’t seem to become satisfied.

I wish I had the power to look past it…

My thoughts persists of

that twisted mister.

Who enjoys a corrected paper

With inquiries and a salad.

My summer of unbecoming

Or coming close to what I could’ve wanted.

Being haunted in Taconic.

Third Semster vs. first semester 

This very “extra” chick was going off in the middle of the campus walkway just now talking about someone is making her look like a bad person. This is the same chick who walked out of our bio exam yesterday, and disrupted lab by having an asthma/panic attack. I guess that’s not completely her fault, but what does make her a bad person is that she doesn’t shut the fuck up during trig! Maybe if you stayed quiet, no one will have fuel to call you a bad person. 

He’s The One.

It’s crazy how love hits you so completely.
This past 30 days has been amazing. We’ve had some bumps, but I really do love that Raymond and I could talk about absolutely anything and come to a solution.
That is what a partnership is, and I can honestly say that he is the best partner I could’ve ever dreamed of. He and I are a team, and I feel blessed to have him after all my horrible experiences.
I need to treat him good because he deserves nothing less. I need to help him through the rough times, like he’s helped me. I want to love and nurture him like he’s never been before. I want to be with him forever and grow. 
I know it’s super weird to say this so quickly, but sometimes you just know…
Raymond is perfect, and I love him more than he will ever know.