Keeping me from falling down
into pieces just to breakdown.
i was blinded for forever.
the feeling is just not regular
I know what differences really mean.
the outside is just as perfect,
And that look in your eyes assured it.
if you take my lead
i can see
something beautiful in the end,
you and me.

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You’ll be surprised by
a person who knows what
they are saying.
since there isnt a reason
to not know anything.
In the moment we
create something beautiful
its because we
know what we are doing.
some of our life’s work
is done in a pinch
within a small stretch of time.

I Broke my fucking one hitter…

This one only costed like $4 so I’m not completely angry. I was on the phone for close to 4 hours And I had A DRINK. A fucking mikes mango, and I still can’t handle my shit. I should be ashamed.
So yesterday…

anyway, the first one, like I felt weird a lot of the time. I felt like someone would walk by or in and see us there or something. Idk I’m not paranoid, I knew ain’t nobody coming there, but it was still weird.

he made a very straightforward statement which I respect. But lol wtf. First date. Idk.

In my system of threes, he is at a .667 when he was at a .83 before. IS THIS STRIKE ONE OR STRIKE TWO?! I’m dead. Shoutout to Sean Paul, how the fuck are you Jamaican.

I don’t even know if there will be another. Idk. Idk. Idfk. Back to allowing the white man colonize my vagina.

Speaking of the white man, this nigga!!! Omg I actually have a lot more fun talking to ray than I do that other negro. (I’m just going to be straight. I was nervous, but I wanted to get outta there.)

We’re friends so the fact that there aren’t obligations are great. I don’t like feeling obligated. That Fucking gets you a .667 K. Stay with me.

Pure FUCKING Africa, he’s sexy as shit… but his dick game gets me depressed because it’s so pathetic. 
Idk. I don’t want coins, I need change.

i need to not get so lit.

It might just be a defect,
that hour glass body and giamtic lips,
these are things we cant look beyond,
they are a handicap;
a mikd case of retardation.
No one gives a fuck about your brain cells!
your neck is more important.

Javale McGee

Obviously totally out of my league;
There you are Kevin Durant, and i’m just Javale McGee.
My lack of confidence is so easy to see;
all the while i’m shaqtin’ a fool when
My only real job is to set picks and screens
for you to run past.

i’m only worthy of coming off the bench,
as i make bad mistakes down the stretch.
in the fourth quarter when you’re in the groove with all those clutch plays,
i can really only cheer you on, cupcake.

I know I’ve never been the most amazing teammate,
And I”ve ruined a lot of plays,
but at the end of my days,
i will always remenber
the ring we won together,
and your desire to be the greatest
and getting the best out of me.

I’m not addicted. I’m just Frustrated.
i guess that’s just part of human nature.
i cant just fake it ’til i make it;
i’ll only be lying to myself.
i cant trust you to help me make it,
the only thing you’ve ever done perfect
was cause this whirlwind of emotions

I really can’t even fucking believe it.

Let me not jinx anything because I’m an idiot, but now I know where his head is at.

So, I ran into him while I was coming out of the library. He asked how I was doing, I told him that he looked good in the color he was wearing. he cheesed hard and said, “you’re just trying to make me smile”.

Then he asked how I was doing, he said he was a little bored, but he was going to be starting school again soon. (I think he’s in a graduate program)

Then, he said and I quote, “this maybe a little inappropriate, but do you want to hang out some time?”

I can’t even remember how I reacted, but I was super shocked. I said yes, and asked him, “this weekend, next weekend”. He said “anytime”. 

My life is like a movie, I swear. BUT THE BALL IS IN MY COURT NOW, and I hate having that amount of “power”. I’m always talking about rejection, and how I fear it, but sometimes I’d much rather be rejected so I can be stagnant. 

Ughhhh. I should text him like soon. But I don’t want to be a pest. I talked to Ray about this crush, and he has been giving me some advice.

I’m still trying to figure out why he asked me, today, of all days. He’s intelligent as fuck, he probably figured me out. I’m uber (I can’t even use this word in school in that context anymore) excited…

Now, when will I have free time? Should I take a day or two off? What does he even want to do? Does he just wanna fuck? He seems to be the only man to ever straight up tell me that he thought I was intelligent, maybe he wants to pick my brain. 

He’s a man though, I know he wants to fuck. I need to be myself, though he knows me pretty well. He’s just pretty perfect and I really don’t want to fuck shit up. 

There’s a lot of risk involved on his end, so maybe I’d understand any apprehension that he may have. 

I wonder if he thought it out, or had been thinking of it. 

Sometimes good things happen, I just have to be confident.