I Wish I Wasn’t So Shallow

Honestly, lately I’ve been angry at myself for many things… like not being able to deal with areas in which you don’t level up.

Things that I would have to settle for, and live with; these same things that cannot be changed.

Living in somewhat of an avoidance of putting myself “out there” on front street, and feeling dissatisfied for the rest of my life.

If not for that, I still wouldn’t think I would budge. I’d feel a hunger and do something to crush you. I’d rather not crush you. But it’s hard to tell a young person who hasn’t been involved in something so serious that you regret it getting that serious.

It sucks because I thought I could live with it. Emotionally, mentally, everything was linked… physically, we were not a match.

It may be me that is asking for too much. For something to finally feel satisfying… that is my mistake. Allowing you to choose the pace at which we moved being inexperienced is also my biggest mistake.

Now I’m in a place where I’m losing an important part of my life because I just can’t seem to become satisfied.

I wish I had the power to look past it…


My thoughts persists of

that twisted mister.

Who enjoys a corrected paper

With inquiries and a salad.

My summer of unbecoming

Or coming close to what I could’ve wanted.

Being haunted in Taconic.

Third Semster vs. first semester 

This very “extra” chick was going off in the middle of the campus walkway just now talking about someone is making her look like a bad person. This is the same chick who walked out of our bio exam yesterday, and disrupted lab by having an asthma/panic attack. I guess that’s not completely her fault, but what does make her a bad person is that she doesn’t shut the fuck up during trig! Maybe if you stayed quiet, no one will have fuel to call you a bad person. 

He’s The One.

It’s crazy how love hits you so completely.
This past 30 days has been amazing. We’ve had some bumps, but I really do love that Raymond and I could talk about absolutely anything and come to a solution.
That is what a partnership is, and I can honestly say that he is the best partner I could’ve ever dreamed of. He and I are a team, and I feel blessed to have him after all my horrible experiences.
I need to treat him good because he deserves nothing less. I need to help him through the rough times, like he’s helped me. I want to love and nurture him like he’s never been before. I want to be with him forever and grow. 
I know it’s super weird to say this so quickly, but sometimes you just know…
Raymond is perfect, and I love him more than he will ever know. 

Keeping me from falling down
into pieces just to breakdown.
i was blinded for forever.
the feeling is just not regular
I know what differences really mean.
the outside is just as perfect,
And that look in your eyes assured it.
if you take my lead
i can see
something beautiful in the end,
you and me.

You’ll be surprised by
a person who knows what
they are saying.
since there isnt a reason
to not know anything.
In the moment we
create something beautiful
its because we
know what we are doing.
some of our life’s work
is done in a pinch
within a small stretch of time.

I Broke my fucking one hitter…

This one only costed like $4 so I’m not completely angry. I was on the phone for close to 4 hours And I had A DRINK. A fucking mikes mango, and I still can’t handle my shit. I should be ashamed.
So yesterday…

anyway, the first one, like I felt weird a lot of the time. I felt like someone would walk by or in and see us there or something. Idk I’m not paranoid, I knew ain’t nobody coming there, but it was still weird.

he made a very straightforward statement which I respect. But lol wtf. First date. Idk.

In my system of threes, he is at a .667 when he was at a .83 before. IS THIS STRIKE ONE OR STRIKE TWO?! I’m dead. Shoutout to Sean Paul, how the fuck are you Jamaican.

I don’t even know if there will be another. Idk. Idk. Idfk. Back to allowing the white man colonize my vagina.

Speaking of the white man, this nigga!!! Omg I actually have a lot more fun talking to ray than I do that other negro. (I’m just going to be straight. I was nervous, but I wanted to get outta there.)

We’re friends so the fact that there aren’t obligations are great. I don’t like feeling obligated. That Fucking gets you a .667 K. Stay with me.

Pure FUCKING Africa, he’s sexy as shit… but his dick game gets me depressed because it’s so pathetic. 
Idk. I don’t want coins, I need change.

i need to not get so lit.